Dad’s Promise Leads to Butt-Kicking

photo olympic snowboarderI haven’t trudged like that since my walk to the principal’s office.  My shoulders sagged and my head drooped.  The parking lot seemed a mile wide.  I called my wife, Hun.

“We’re loading up.”

“How’d Maggie do?  You sound beat.”

“Got my butt kicked, but she nailed it.” Continue reading

Daughter’s Make-up Saves Dad Before Photo-shoot

makeup stuff1No one knows the hour nor day. 

 

I’m not referring to prophecy, but to an odd situation everyone invariably suffers, whether you’re a high school kid on a date, an adult preparing to deliver a sales pitch, or God forbid, before a job interview.  At some point we’ve all had them.  They attack, punish, and embarrass, at the worst possible time.    

 

These assaults have pestered humans since caveman days. Continue reading

Quotes from Famous People – W. C. Fields

etc guy WC fieldsI’ve suffered from writer’s block this week and spent hours, and seven drafts, on a particular piece.  No dice, it’s sent back to either the drawing board or round-file.

This quote seems to fit:  “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.  Then quit.  There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.”  W. C. Fields (1880-1946)

Even Hockey Coaches Have Hearts

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAPublished in the Chico Enterprise-Record, Colorado Springs Gazette Telegraph & Hockey Player Magazine (2012)

“I thought this may interest you,” the email said.  In the subject heading was a name, Wayne Marshall, my high school hockey coach.  I expected the worst, to see an obituary. 

I was relieved when I read it, then thrilled.  Coach Marshall was an inductee into the 2012 Colorado High School Coaches Association Hall of Fame.  The son-of-a-gun won top dog. Continue reading

Dad’s Old Ski Gear Causes a Stink

Etc Guy at Sugar Bowl“You stink.”

No, it wasn’t an old hockey coach griping about my lousy shot, but another person of high esteem.  My wife, Hun, pinched her nostrils while Kate sprang for the Lysol®.

“It’s bad.  The dogs howl and the cats hide when you’re around.  Birds no longer visit the feeder.  You’ve become a smelly, middle-aged man.  You need to do something, especially if you wear that tattered, reeking ski gear.  You’re killing me with your 1990s era long-johns.  I don’t want to live with a malodourous, old man.” Continue reading

Words of Wisdom – Will Durst

Selfie w Will Durst and Eric“My wife and I are trying to live within our means.  We went from a $700,000 house to a $350,000 house, and didn’t even have to move.”

Will Durst, American political satirist, b 1952

###PS Readers: I recently interviewed Durst as part of my Humor Project.  The article is in development….standby for something really cool.  Here’s a “selfie” with Will.

Editors: You may contact me at eric@etcguy.com.

Weight Watcher’s Journey May Require Duct Tape

 

Etc Guy Sees candyThe adult arm weighs eight pounds, about five percent of one’s body weight.  Thanks to my holiday junk food diet, I’m that much heavier.  I awoke this morning and had an epiphany: I still have the same arms.  The calories must have flowed further south. Continue reading

Losing Sucks, No Matter How Old You Are

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA(Hockey Player Magazine, January 2014)

Seven percent isn’t bad.  It depends on your point of view.

Consider weight loss.  If I was seven percent lighter I’d weigh a svelte 162 pounds, not bad for a guy fending off love handles and sagging breasts.  Seven percent is a strong return on stocks given today’s, last year’s, or last week’s, economy.  A seven percent growth in my portfolio means I can retire ten years from now at 60, about seven percent younger than 65. Continue reading

Time well spent is all guy wants

sweden-mapNo matter where you are at any given moment today it’s either tomorrow or yesterday somewhere else.  Years ago I visited Sweden which is nine hours ahead of California.   I returned to work and a colleague handed me a fax sent from Stockholm.  He pointed to the date and time.

“Here’s a message from tomorrow,” he chuckled. Continue reading