Sports

Sports
Old Hockey Player Forgets About Scoring Stats
October 15, 2017
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(Hockey Player Magazine, October 2017) “A great hockey player plays where the puck is going to be.”  Wayne Gretzky Some scoring statistics are best forgotten. You’re not a hockey player until you’ve scored on yourself a saying goes, quoted by an anonymous player too embarrassed to admit doing it.  In hockey we score on opponents—not […]
Sports The Humor Project
Eclipses, Baseball and the Dog Days of Summer
August 20, 2017
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There sure is a lot of hype for a little bit of extra shade. I received an email at work last week about Monday’s eclipse, alerting me to conserve energy.  The message was relayed from the California Independent Systems Operator, an organization that oversees the operations of our state’s bulk electric power system. Business Insider […]
Sports
Young Referee Whistles While He Works
April 18, 2017
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(Hockey Player Magazine, April 2017) “You can’t applaud a referee.” Alex Ferguson, Coach, Manchester United They are jeered, never cheered.  It’s black and white. Great referees are invisible to the general fan but invincible to the general jerk.  Officiating is not for the faint hearted.  Hockey refs need thick skin—crocodile skin–beneath the stripes.
Sports Uncategorized
Playoffs Are All That Matter
May 20, 2016
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Hockey Player Magazine, May 2016 It’s only an eight game schedule but my body thinks otherwise—the season feels like 80 games.  My legs burn with each stride while my lungs gasp for more air than a carburetor.  But we’re in the playoffs and complaining is for sissies.  Everybody’s whipped, even our rivals, and it’s time […]
Parents and Kids Sports
Hockey Mom Earns Frequent Flyer Miles
February 24, 2016
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Hockey Player Magazine, Feb 2016 (Note: Names below were changed.) We boarded the jet two hours late, me and 350 others.  No explanation was given other than lousy weather in Europe.  My original seat selection was along the back row aisle near the lavatory.  I’m one who plans ahead— the ten hour flight from Oakland […]
Sports
December is the Season for Puck Drops
December 21, 2015
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(Hockey Player Magazine, December 2015) December is the season for leaf fall, snow fall, and puck drops. My hockey buddies grin when frosty windshields mask the morning commute, especially the guys from Minnesota or Canada where vegetables come in casseroles and nuts come from cans.
Sports
Hockey Tape and Old Trophies Bring Out Sentiments
May 5, 2015
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(Hockey Player Magazine, May 2015) The line between frugality and nostalgia is not much wider than a skate blade. Consider hockey tape, the adhesive that binds equipment, body parts, and adult recreation teams.  Players hoarding rolls of UHaul® tape to strap on shin guards are frugal.  They’re too cheap to buy real sports tape.  Thriftiness […]
Sports
Hockey Dad’s Love-Handle Saves the Game
January 30, 2015
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(Hockey Player Magazine, January 2015) We lumbered inside the locker-room and grimaced as hockey bags slid down our shoulders. I hadn’t seen my Blazer teammates for over a month. Inside the guys slouched like dough-boys, suffering from extended tryptophan hangovers. None admitted to exercising over the holiday break. Crazy Eddie maintained his same pear shape. […]
Sports
Hockey Mom Gives Best Excuse to Miss Games
October 28, 2014
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(Published in Hockey Player Magazine, October 2014) The five of us frowned as we tied our skates. We were down two players and knew the next 45 minutes would test our lungs and legs. “Where’s Blaze?” Swifty asked. “At a Raider game,” I answered. “Good excuse. Better than when Chuck got lost hunting or when […]
Sports
Hockey Bag Violates Air Space
May 9, 2014
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(Hockey Player Magazine, May 2014) Humans are among the smelliest creatures in the animal kingdom.  We share the “Smelly Top Five” list with the wolverine, Tasmanian devil, polecat, and skunk.  Hockey players are a unique subgroup.  Though we are extremely agile, intelligent and handsome, we suffer a critical flaw.  Like whales and birds, we have […]