(Published in Hockey Player Magazine, April 2019)
Zero, ten, two isn’t a bike lock combination. It was last season’s hockey record. My Blazers suffered more takedowns last Fall than MMA wrestlers. The losses really sucked when we went 1-12 a few years back. But 0-10-2 really, really, sucks. (more…)
“We either laugh or we lie face down in the carpet weeping.” Leigh Anne Jasheway
I first reached out to her after Labor Day. My in-box chimed when I received her message, Leigh Anne Jasheway was game to be interviewed as part of my Humor Project. “It’s almost Thanksgiving,” she wrote, “You’re already behind…. in something.”
Three years ago I stumbled upon Jasheway while road-tripping to Eugene, Oregon. I helped my kid, an Oregon Duck, move into her coop. Between grocery runs I read an article in the Eugene-Register Guard about mutts. The writer, owner of a dachshund pack, lamented how her four-inched legged beasts were reputed neighborhood park beggars. (more…)
No costume. No props. No excuses.
When I re-booted my writing career six years ago my goal was to get regular gigs and earn a passive self-sustaining income from writing. My writing income isn’t even passive-aggressive. (more…)
“On vacations we hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.” Erma Bombeck
Suntan lotion sales melt at forty degrees north. Especially in January when jackets cover skin. But compared to my buddy, O’Malley Nanook of Fairbanks, I have it easy. Located two-hundred miles south of the Arctic Circle, O’Malley covers up with flannel, mittens and parkas woven from caribou hide. This week’s forecast for O’Malley features balmy nights at 25 below, cold enough to freeze antifreeze. (more…)
“Once again we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” Dave Barry
I’m more into saying Merry Christmas than Happy Holidays. For me the latter is too politically correct and saccharin. But for many in fire ravaged Northern California its understandable why folks may neither be merry nor happy. Those that have lost homes, and loved ones, grind through the days. Many of us wish a magic wand would make things better. Friends, press onward. A community supports you. (more…)
I enjoy camp fires but have NOT enjoyed the recent Camp Fire which hit the community of Paradise, California. For readers unfamiliar with Northern California, Paradise sits in the Sierra Nevada foothills about fifteen miles east of Chico and about 90 miles north of Sacramento.
The Camp Fire started November 8th, thus far creating havoc over 150,000 acres. Fortunately this wildfire appears to head south and away from our city but prior to doing so tens of thousands of folks were displaced, thousands have lost homes, nearly a thousand are missing, and many have died. The Town of Paradise, population nearly 30,000, reels from shock as do neighboring communities. Rain is forecasted soon—a mixed blessing. We’re tired of the flames and smoke but leery of mud slides. (more…)
“There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things and peop
le who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.” Mark Twain
Mark Twain lived generations ago but his words and wit live in print. Many take literacy for granted— but unfortunately for some Twain’s genius will never be read. (more…)
I never expected needing to carry a baseball bat for walking my own property. I swing bats to miss pitches. Not fend off intruders.
We own an investment property in town, an old walnut orchard thick on bark, long on limbs and short on shade. The trees are geezers and recent drought years have stressed them beyond good health—a true orchardist would have felled them. But we’ve hung onto the lot, trimming what we can within our gerbil powered real estate budget. Gravity directs dropped branches onto our side of the fence. The lot also has a small house, a rental. It’s temporarily vacant until we complete interior repairs. (more…)
The writer with Patrick McManus
“You’ll never meet him,” a know-it-all consultant told me. “Patrick McManus is big time. He’s hard to reach. He won’t have time for you.”
It pays to ignore naysayers especially when one is young, dumb, ambitious, and on a mission. In this case I was on a mission to interview Patrick McManus, a New York Times best-selling author and humor writer. A long-time columnist for Field and Stream and Outdoor Life Magazines, McManus wrote about guys who got lost in the woods and the trials and travesties of wiring trailer lights. (more…)
“Chaotic action is preferable to orderly inaction.” Will Rogers
Will Rogers was an icon. Born in 1879, Rogers was an American stage and motion picture actor, vaudeville performer, American cowboy, humorist, newspaper columnist, and social commentator from Oklahoma. Born in the Cherokee Nation, Indian Territory, Rogers was a Cherokee citizen. (more…)